Fake you or the real you?
It turns out that a surprisingly large number of people experience trembling sexual confidence. They have insecurities or inhibitions which come from several sources: body image issues, afraid to embrace their fantasies, shame of disclosing their kinks. The list can be quite extensive.
If that's not you then congratulations, you are comfortable with who you are or who you have become.
Anyway whatever the reasons are, there’s a way to overcome sexual confidence issues. How? By creating an alter ego. By effectively becoming someone else, if only temporarily.
Alter ego: a person's secondary or alternative personality.
Alter ego: an alternative self, which is believed to be distinct from a person's normal or true original personality. Finding one's alter ego will require finding one's other self, one with a different personality.
Alter ego: a second identity; one designed based on your (repressed) personal traits and preferences. It’s an alternate persona.
But why on earth would you create a sexual alter ego?
There seems to be two primary reasons to create an alter ego, firstly to help you overcome your lack of sexual confidence, or sometimes to bring novelty to your relationship.
So just how does an alter ego helps to overcome low sex confidence?
If you have body issues or you’re struggling to bring a sexual fantasy alive, an alter ego will be very useful. When you create a different persona, you can inhabit it. The purpose of an alter ego is to hide or disguise your real self by embodying your persona. Which, having been outlined by you, won’t have insecurities or inhibitions.
It’s a bit like when you dress up on Halloween and you behave a bit like your character, you can be more adventurous and bold. After all, it’s not really you. It’s all about the character. Taking on an alter ego is the same: you become that persona.
You'll found that you'll be able to explore and try things you always wanted but couldn’t make yourself do. Now, you’re going to put all that responsibility on your alter ego. They won’t feel uncomfortable or shamed. Your alter ego can be an escape; it will allow you to let your anxieties and insecurities behind.
How does a sexual alter ego bring novelty to your relationship?
Of course it's by being someone you usually aren’t. It's, without question, a way to seriously spice up your relationship, perhaps even with yourself. Also, because you’re not actually “yourself”, you will ask and do things you usually don’t. Or you’ll feel empowered to attend your partner’s request, you know the one you want to do but don’t feel anywhere near confident enough to perform.
With your alter ego around you like a shield, you can also engage in role-playing. If your inhibitions don’t let you play nurse, doctor, k**napper or whatever else occurs, just give the role to your alter ego! I’m sure they'll know what to do.
But how does one create a sexual alter ego?
Consciously creating a sexual alter ego, like any alter ego, will take time, and you really shouldn’t rush the process if you want to be comfortable. Despite it’s a persona that will act for you, behind the scenes it’s still you on the inside. You need time to build it from scratch and to learn to live with it. Although this may be a case of self experimentation.
The first step is to answer the question: why do you need or want a sexual alter ego? Is it to fulfil something you can’t do by yourself, is it for fun, or simply to live in the skin of “someone else”?
When creating your alter ego, you really should have a purpose. There are a few questions you should answer first, to make your alter ego complete and coherent:
Why are you creating it?
What will you do with it?
What part of yourself your alter ego will take over?
Will it be a completely different persona from you, or just partially?
Decide who you want to be. It’s time to give a body and personality to your alter ego.
Using again the example of a Halloween costume: when you’re dressed up as a character, you act like them; you reproduce what you saw in the movies or read in the book. You dress their outfit and act according to their personalities and traits. The same will happen with the alter ego. This means you have to build it in detail. Of course, you’ll have the space to improvise because this is your creation, not someone elses. But it’s easy to do it when you have a solid base to come back to.
Here are the points you need to consider when creating your sexual alter ego.
Create a physical character:
Hairstyle and makeup;
Kind of clothing, including lingerie and shoe clothing;
Other physical details: the way of walking, posture, specific traits.
Create a personality:
What’s its name?
What type of personality will have? Bold, submissive, adventurous, romantic…
How does it talk? Slower than you? With an accent? Does it use cursing words?
Decide what your sexual alter ego will do
You should know in advance what your alter ego will do, so you can be prepared for what’s coming.
These are a few questions you must answer to be well prepared:
What are your sexual alter ego preference? Will be a vanilla persona or a kinky one? What will your alter ego do during sex? Is your alter ego going to be vocal during sex? Dirty talk, giving commands or asking how they wants pleasure to be delivered. If they're going to talk during sex, what will they say and how?
There will be more questions to be answered, but those will appear while you’re building your alter ego; one thing will lead to the other.
Take into consideration all the ideas that come up into your mind. Try to answer them without your more usual insecurities or fear, but not pushing yourself far from your comfort zone. This is supposed to be a fun and positive experience after all.
Now that you answered all the questions you needed to create your alter ego, move to the next step.
You might know exactly how you want your persona to look like, but if not, you can get inspired on the internet, browsing on Pinterest or Twitter. Or anywhere else at all.
It’s important you create a visualisation of your alter ego; it will be easier to become them if you know how they look. If you’re good at drawing, take advantage of it and create your persona.
It's important to say that your persona doesn’t have to be much different from you. You build it as you feel it needs to be. The very purpose of your alter ego is to allow you to let go of your insecurities and inhibitions. That can happen with an elaborate costumed persona or just with a little but of internal work. Do whatever works for you.
After you know how your alter ego will look like, make it multidimensional! Start to buy the elements for the outfit if an outfit is required: clothes, shoes, makeup, hair, and all the props your persona will have if any.
Experience your sexual alter ego by yourself
When you have the outfit and know how your persona will act, it’s time to try it. This will be your alter ego’s test drive. Spending some time alone with your alter ego will allow you to feel it; to decide what you want to change or to let go.
When home alone become your new persona, dress up like your alter ego, assume its personality and enjoy yourself.
Create a sexual scene and live it as your persona. Explore your body, talk like it, act like it! This exercise is great to train your communication skills.
Another activity for you is to go out incarnating your alter ego.
If you dare go for a meal out alone or on a shopping trip, fully as your persona. Be them, experiment with your physical traits, talk with strangers to feel a taste of it.
This first step might be a bit scary, but it’s also thrilling. Never forget you are always in control. You decide what to do!
You must also decide when and how you’re going to reveal your alter ego. If you’re doing it to your partner, think about where it’s going to happen. Will it be at your place or in a hotel? Do you need to make reservations at a restaurant? If you’re going to use your alter ego with a random person, chose the place: will it be a pub, a nightclub or other place? Take into consideration the safety and have a plan in case you get out of your persona: will you leave or stay using your own “identity”?
Cover all the bases you need. It might seem a lot and even unnecessary, but the more prepared you are, the more successful and pleasurable your experience will be.
You should always remember that sex is not to be taken too much serious. Sex is a pleasure, or something else is amiss. The idea of a sexual alter ego is to help you overcome any insecurities you have. It’s to offer you the freedom to be who you want to be in bed but don’t have the ease and confidence be.
It doesn’t mean you don’t have the ability to do it, you definitely do! If you wish something and visualise it, to the point of actually creating an alter ego, it’s because you have it inside you anyway. You just need to bring it out!
Explore your sexual alter ego with all you got and as much as you can. And above all, have as much fun as you can doing it!
If that's not you then congratulations, you are comfortable with who you are or who you have become.
Anyway whatever the reasons are, there’s a way to overcome sexual confidence issues. How? By creating an alter ego. By effectively becoming someone else, if only temporarily.
Alter ego: a person's secondary or alternative personality.
Alter ego: an alternative self, which is believed to be distinct from a person's normal or true original personality. Finding one's alter ego will require finding one's other self, one with a different personality.
Alter ego: a second identity; one designed based on your (repressed) personal traits and preferences. It’s an alternate persona.
But why on earth would you create a sexual alter ego?
There seems to be two primary reasons to create an alter ego, firstly to help you overcome your lack of sexual confidence, or sometimes to bring novelty to your relationship.
So just how does an alter ego helps to overcome low sex confidence?
If you have body issues or you’re struggling to bring a sexual fantasy alive, an alter ego will be very useful. When you create a different persona, you can inhabit it. The purpose of an alter ego is to hide or disguise your real self by embodying your persona. Which, having been outlined by you, won’t have insecurities or inhibitions.
It’s a bit like when you dress up on Halloween and you behave a bit like your character, you can be more adventurous and bold. After all, it’s not really you. It’s all about the character. Taking on an alter ego is the same: you become that persona.
You'll found that you'll be able to explore and try things you always wanted but couldn’t make yourself do. Now, you’re going to put all that responsibility on your alter ego. They won’t feel uncomfortable or shamed. Your alter ego can be an escape; it will allow you to let your anxieties and insecurities behind.
How does a sexual alter ego bring novelty to your relationship?
Of course it's by being someone you usually aren’t. It's, without question, a way to seriously spice up your relationship, perhaps even with yourself. Also, because you’re not actually “yourself”, you will ask and do things you usually don’t. Or you’ll feel empowered to attend your partner’s request, you know the one you want to do but don’t feel anywhere near confident enough to perform.
With your alter ego around you like a shield, you can also engage in role-playing. If your inhibitions don’t let you play nurse, doctor, k**napper or whatever else occurs, just give the role to your alter ego! I’m sure they'll know what to do.
But how does one create a sexual alter ego?
Consciously creating a sexual alter ego, like any alter ego, will take time, and you really shouldn’t rush the process if you want to be comfortable. Despite it’s a persona that will act for you, behind the scenes it’s still you on the inside. You need time to build it from scratch and to learn to live with it. Although this may be a case of self experimentation.
The first step is to answer the question: why do you need or want a sexual alter ego? Is it to fulfil something you can’t do by yourself, is it for fun, or simply to live in the skin of “someone else”?
When creating your alter ego, you really should have a purpose. There are a few questions you should answer first, to make your alter ego complete and coherent:
Why are you creating it?
What will you do with it?
What part of yourself your alter ego will take over?
Will it be a completely different persona from you, or just partially?
Decide who you want to be. It’s time to give a body and personality to your alter ego.
Using again the example of a Halloween costume: when you’re dressed up as a character, you act like them; you reproduce what you saw in the movies or read in the book. You dress their outfit and act according to their personalities and traits. The same will happen with the alter ego. This means you have to build it in detail. Of course, you’ll have the space to improvise because this is your creation, not someone elses. But it’s easy to do it when you have a solid base to come back to.
Here are the points you need to consider when creating your sexual alter ego.
Create a physical character:
Hairstyle and makeup;
Kind of clothing, including lingerie and shoe clothing;
Other physical details: the way of walking, posture, specific traits.
Create a personality:
What’s its name?
What type of personality will have? Bold, submissive, adventurous, romantic…
How does it talk? Slower than you? With an accent? Does it use cursing words?
Decide what your sexual alter ego will do
You should know in advance what your alter ego will do, so you can be prepared for what’s coming.
These are a few questions you must answer to be well prepared:
What are your sexual alter ego preference? Will be a vanilla persona or a kinky one? What will your alter ego do during sex? Is your alter ego going to be vocal during sex? Dirty talk, giving commands or asking how they wants pleasure to be delivered. If they're going to talk during sex, what will they say and how?
There will be more questions to be answered, but those will appear while you’re building your alter ego; one thing will lead to the other.
Take into consideration all the ideas that come up into your mind. Try to answer them without your more usual insecurities or fear, but not pushing yourself far from your comfort zone. This is supposed to be a fun and positive experience after all.
Now that you answered all the questions you needed to create your alter ego, move to the next step.
You might know exactly how you want your persona to look like, but if not, you can get inspired on the internet, browsing on Pinterest or Twitter. Or anywhere else at all.
It’s important you create a visualisation of your alter ego; it will be easier to become them if you know how they look. If you’re good at drawing, take advantage of it and create your persona.
It's important to say that your persona doesn’t have to be much different from you. You build it as you feel it needs to be. The very purpose of your alter ego is to allow you to let go of your insecurities and inhibitions. That can happen with an elaborate costumed persona or just with a little but of internal work. Do whatever works for you.
After you know how your alter ego will look like, make it multidimensional! Start to buy the elements for the outfit if an outfit is required: clothes, shoes, makeup, hair, and all the props your persona will have if any.
Experience your sexual alter ego by yourself
When you have the outfit and know how your persona will act, it’s time to try it. This will be your alter ego’s test drive. Spending some time alone with your alter ego will allow you to feel it; to decide what you want to change or to let go.
When home alone become your new persona, dress up like your alter ego, assume its personality and enjoy yourself.
Create a sexual scene and live it as your persona. Explore your body, talk like it, act like it! This exercise is great to train your communication skills.
Another activity for you is to go out incarnating your alter ego.
If you dare go for a meal out alone or on a shopping trip, fully as your persona. Be them, experiment with your physical traits, talk with strangers to feel a taste of it.
This first step might be a bit scary, but it’s also thrilling. Never forget you are always in control. You decide what to do!
You must also decide when and how you’re going to reveal your alter ego. If you’re doing it to your partner, think about where it’s going to happen. Will it be at your place or in a hotel? Do you need to make reservations at a restaurant? If you’re going to use your alter ego with a random person, chose the place: will it be a pub, a nightclub or other place? Take into consideration the safety and have a plan in case you get out of your persona: will you leave or stay using your own “identity”?
Cover all the bases you need. It might seem a lot and even unnecessary, but the more prepared you are, the more successful and pleasurable your experience will be.
You should always remember that sex is not to be taken too much serious. Sex is a pleasure, or something else is amiss. The idea of a sexual alter ego is to help you overcome any insecurities you have. It’s to offer you the freedom to be who you want to be in bed but don’t have the ease and confidence be.
It doesn’t mean you don’t have the ability to do it, you definitely do! If you wish something and visualise it, to the point of actually creating an alter ego, it’s because you have it inside you anyway. You just need to bring it out!
Explore your sexual alter ego with all you got and as much as you can. And above all, have as much fun as you can doing it!
1 year ago